I want grandma to see me walking down the aisle...

I wanted to write this blog 2 weeks ago, but I was too emotional....

I visited grandma on 23rd May 2010 at aunt Helen's new apartment. She was very happy to see me and as usual I asked her whether she knows who I am. She manage to utter a few words and she called my name after I reminded her who I am. I was over the moon!!! I can't recall when was the last time she call me, she has Alzheimer. Grandma is getting weaker, especially after she fell in the toilet and broke her pelvis bone. I will cry whenever I visit her as I can't believe how can such an active lady lost her ability to do simple tasks like go to the toilet, have lunch etc. I tried very hard to hold my tears as I don't want her to cry.

I gave her some money and told her to buy some bird nest (her favourite) and some food when she go out. Grandma told me that she seldom buy food, but she still clinched onto the money tightly. She was very happy, just like a little girl gets her favourite ice-cream (aunt said she love money) and refuse to give to anyone.

At noon, mum wanted Yan Meng and I to serve her tea. Mum told her that I will be getting married soon and Yan Meng will take good care of me and thus she need not to worry about me. Grandma started to cry..... mum helped her to place a ring (about 100 years old) on my middle finger which was inherited by my greatgrandma. Mum told me that when grandma was at about 70+ years old, she told my mum to give me the ring when I get married and I must then pass it down to my daughter.

I hugged and kiss her, thank her for all her hard work in taking care of me. I'm not sure whether she understand but she cried... We know that she has many things to tell me but she just doesn't have the energy, she tried... Mum told grandma not to say anything as I will understand. Aunt asked grandma not to cry as this is a happy occassion.

I remembered in 2004, before Yan Meng and I flew to UK, grandma called and wanted to meet us. After some conversation, she brought out 2 glasses of water, she demanded Yan Meng and I to serve her the drink. Mum said I'm her favourite grandchild who she has been taking care of since I was borned. Her biggest wish is to see me marry happily. I guess at that moment, she just worried that she won't have the chance to see it...

I regretted not following mum's advice to have my chinese wedding ceremony soon, when grandma is still healthy.

Last week, I visited grandma again. She is so much weaker compare to the week before, both her legs and hands are swollen. Doctor said her internal organ is getting weaker and thus not functioning well. I cried as I know she is in pain although she was sleeping soundly when I visited.

I really wish that my grandma will see me in my beautiful wedding gown...
Please...

*I'm still crying at the end of this blog...